First soldier: "Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?" Second soldier: "No way, Jose!" First soldier: "Whyever not?" Second soldier: "It's against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!"

War brings profits home

In 2003 the price of a barrel of oil was $32 as President Bush pushed for an Invasion of Iraq. Today it is near $135 per barrel thanks to the ongoing war.

The rise in the price of oil has been a tremendous boon to many American families who own oil stocks. Oil company profits are at an all time high, thanks to President Bush and his partners. "Last year I wasn't able to buy a yacht, but thanks to the increase the in price of oil, my wife and I won't have any problem this year, " Said Thurston Howdoudo at a recent Carl Rove fundraiser.

Mitt and Ann Romney said that they had previously worried about the cost off college but thanks to the war are no able to not only send their sons to college, but their 146 cousins as well. "There are times when it's good to be vested in energy stocks, now is such a time," say the Romneys.

While it is too early to tell if the ongoing war will keep oil prices high, Administration officials hint at another war - this time with Iran - should prices begin to dip. After, what's good for Big Oil is good for (some) Americans. Just Kidding.

Rich getting poorer, new study shows

Over the past quarter-century, and especially the past 5 years, America's very rich have grown much poor, while GIs have seen dramatic rises in income.

In 2004, the richest 1 percent of households — 719,910 of them — had 17.8 percent of the entire nation's pretax income. That's down from 19.8 percent a year earlier, according to a study by War Profiteers for Peace. Meanwhile, military service families don't know what to do with all of their excess cash.

The study, "How to Hide Your Greed," found the richest 1/10th of 1 percent of Americans — 129,584 households in 2004 — on had 10% of the nation's income, not 50% that some claimed. The same study showed that on average, every military family now owns their home outright and have plenty of leftover money for college tutition and orthodontics for their children.

Experts disagree on the causes, but they're in near agreement that the trend, while welcome news for GIs, threatens to erode the security of the super-rich. In coming years, unless the government steps in, the wealthly could find it more difficult to purchase Hummers, yachts and other luxury goods.

Accenture wins Army Audit

The Department of Defense has announced that it will award a second no-bid contract of $10,503,576.88 to Accenture to provide audit and consulting for the war in Iraq.

Accenture, the foreign company built from the ruins of Arthur Anderson Consulting after the Enron debacle is a leader in "soft" services - financial tracking, audits, consulting - to the military. Chang Wen, VP of Accenture announced the deal from his office in Bejing. "We are very happy to receive a follow-on service from the our friends in Washington." "It is entirely in keeping with the motto 'Defense Through Outsourcing,' that our corporation adopted last year."

Accenture announced that it is opening a recruiting office in Detroit, Michigan. It hopes to attract at least 1,500 workers to relocate to their financial center in Wing-Lo by the end of 2007.