mil·i·ta·rism n. predominance of the armed forces in the administration or policy of the state; glorification of a military class, values and ideals; view that military strength should take precedence over other interests.

Search on for America

Just as the American Idol television show closed for the season, a new search is on - for the real America.

America has been missing for quite some time. America's parents noticed that the country had disappeared in 2002, after a visit by Congress.

"We didn't think that having Congress and the President over would lead to this," said America's parents. "We trusted them. Now America is missing and we just want her back."

State officials issued an Amber Alert as soon as they heard that America was missing. However, she hasn't been heared from since. America is very young, has a trusting attitude and is usuall very nice to others. If you, or anyone you know, has seen America, please contact your local American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) or human rights office.

America also prefers peace and is afraid of large armies. Let's not let another Memorial Day go by without America! Just Kidding.

Pax Americana welcomed around the world

This is the new age of empire, with America on top. Already hundreds of millions have taken to the streets in Rome, London, Sydney and other major cities, to welcome the new world peace brought about by the United States.

With an agressive and continual war presence and military capability that is projected around the globe, America stands at the pinnacle of success and respect.

"We never thought that the bringing 'Democracy to the Middle East' would mean so much to us here," exclaimes a Guatemalan mother with three starving children.

"Things are so much more peaceful now," says President-for-life Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan. "Our nuclear bomb industry is entirely due to the gratitude of the American people."

Meanwhile, there remain a few pockets of resistance in Texas, Georgia, and other states. Just Kidding.

Ribbon-cutting at Capitol scheduled next Monday

Secretary of the Treasury, Henry M. Paulson, Jr., announced today that a ribbon-cutting would take place at the U.S. Capitol next Monday. "This is a wonderful opportunity for America," exclaimed Paulson. "We've finally received a bid that all Americans can be proud of."

The Secretary was referring to last month's auction of Congress on eBay. There was intense competition and the winning bid was $2.3 Trillion.

"The winning bidder has asked to remain anonymous and we will honor their request," stated a news release from the Oval Office. When asked whether the winner was a U.S. citizen or not, Tony Snow, declined to comment. Just Kidding